Friday the 13th – Fear vs Intuition

Happy harvest full moon! And on Friday the thirteenth, no less.  Despite what pop-culture will tell us about Friday the 13th, this full moon is actually considered a lucky full moon that will bring a lot of abundance.  If you like doing full moon rituals, I know a lot of sites and a lot of my instagram friends post about fun things to do. If you are into tarot, my teacher Lindsay Mack has a beautiful podcast about this full moon energy that she released today (listen here)

The date and the full moon have me thinking about horror movies. I grew up loving horror movies (a trait I like to think I passed down to my baby sister. You’re welcome, Bear!)  I would always imagine what I would do if faced with certain adversaries. Many of us have sat screaming at the tv “no, don’t run upstairs, you idiot!” We all think that we would be rational in the face of fear.

The reality is that when faced with fear or even just the voice of fear in our heads we often shut down.  We run away from the problem instead of tackling it head on. We give in to base instincts.

Hearing the voice of fear and ego in our heads in every day life is much the same. When that voice starts going we completely ignore our intuition.

This past weekend I did my first Embody the Tarot on Accessing your Intuition with the high priestess class at Nectar Yoga Studio up in Phoenixville. I was really excited for the event and also very nervous.

Saturday morning when I woke up and was getting myself ready and putting all my materials together for the workshop all I could hear was the voice of my inner critic.  It’s funny because in this class is all about getting beyond the fear voice in your head and listening to the much quieter voice of intuition. 

That voice was screaming at me “You don’t know enough” “You haven’t been doing this long enough” “other people are doing it better”.  I hear all of the things that we all hear when we are doing something new and scary. In this workshop, we discuss the ego’s job of protecting us from scary things like failure or embarrassment.  The ego wants us to stay where it’s safe. In our comfort zone.

So far my comfort zone has been working with people one on one. So teaching to a group was a pretty big step.

So I practiced what I preach in the class.  I sat down and asked myself what is fear and what is true. I said to that fear voice “Okay I hear you. Thank you for trying to keep me safe, but I’m going to do this anyway.”

When I got to the studio I had more people than I expected in class which made that voice pop right back up again.  So as I was setting up the room, I acknowledged that fear voice and again said I was going to do it anyway.

It was such good practice for me.  The class went really well and I got some great feedback.  

I’m looking forward to doing it again at Rebel Yoga Studio in Chestnut Hill on 9/22 and at Jolly Llama Yoga on 10/5. If you are interested in signing up for either of those you can find the sign up links on my event page here.

This week has brought about a lot of transition for me.  This time of year always brings the back to school transition and a more structured energy after the freedom of summer.  This year it’s been a lot of reorganizing going on around me. I’ve watched a lot of things shift in terms of where I’m being pushed to release what isn’t working for me anymore.  With so much going on in the fall I’ve had to prioritize more.  

I’ve also been trying to focus on not just what I feel obligated to do because I can, but what I find most exciting and gratifying in the moment.  I’ve been a little sad to say that it’s been a shift away from teaching yoga as much in terms of public classes. The past few weeks have brought about a lot of disappointment for me in the community.  I know it will shift again in a little while but at the moment I am happy with how much I am teaching and where and I don’t feel the need to keep pushing so hard like I have in the past.

I’m also excited to watch this teaching shift as I assist in my first teacher training.  I am so excited to work with students as they deepen their practice and go deep into self-exploration.  The journey through yoga teacher training is not for the faint of heart. You really have to honor your experience as you go and own up to things you might not love looking at and I am so excited to be there for the exploration.

I was speaking to a dear friend today who has many of the same gifts I do.  She has been keeping it a secret from her family and partner for a long time now.  She’s an incredibly gifted intuitive and medium and listening to her talk about how nervous she is about opening up about everything but how ready she is to do it brought me back to my own “coming out of the spiritual closet”.  I actually did it right here on this very blog.

Having gone through this myself just a couple months before I totally understood her hesitation.  It is comforting to know that even those of us who are highly intuitive and have an easier time hearing the voice of intuition, struggle to hear it over the voice of fear.  Like a muscle intuition gets stronger the more we use it. We get used to what it sounds like and what it feels like in the body to be in our intuition instead of in our fear.

As I gear up for a very busy fall, I know I will be relying on my intuition more and more to make the best decisions for my business and my piece of mind.