Energetic Blind Spots and Setting Good Boundaries

I just noticed a blindspot.

A real theme of my journey has been setting boundaries in all areas of my life. I really make it a point to take good care of mine. I meditate. I do clearing and visualizations. I do my Empath’s sorting meditation to clarify my energy and establish what is me and what is not.

Especially since May when I started doing my energy work and tarot full-time, I made a real point about setting my boundaries at the beginning of the day. I cleared myself between clients. Even on admin days I made a point to ground and clear myself a few times a day.

So when a few weeks ago I started having this crazy back spasm that would not let up, I was baffled. 

I went to my acupuncturist. I got needled, cupped, and guashaed.  But to no avail. I was having a major spasm in my left mid-back. When I twisted I could barely breathe.

We tried for a couple weeks to clear it out but I was still struggling to get my full range of motion back.

I was chatting with another medium friend the other day and telling her about my struggle and she said “It looks like you have attachments stuck there. It’s like you have these people carefully stored away.”

“I have been so good about it clearing myself between sessions and keeping my energy in check. I teach people about this!”

But my protest didn’t matter. She saw what she saw and I was back to trying to figure out what was wedged in there.

You ever have that feeling when you get a little too big for your britches and think you couldn’t possibly have missed something?

What my friend said bothered me all day.

So a few nights ago when I was meditating before bed, I settled in and focused on the pain.

“WHAT ARE YOU! What is going on?!”

I asked my guides what was happening and why I couldn’t seem to shake this no matter how hard I tried and that’s when I heard one of my guides say, it’s not you picking it up, it’s your partner.

I had a blind spot.

I have really strong boundaries with just about everyone else in my life.  When it comes to my boyfriend of five years, I have a bit of energy exchange going on that I wasn’t fully aware of.

I realized that in my sleep, I was taking on stuff he was worried about or things that he was holding on to.  

I should have realized because I tend to get a back spasm in the same area when we have had bad fights in the past.  It should have rung a bell, but I suppose we all have blind spots.

Cyndi Dale talks about this in her book Energetic Boundaries: How to Stay Protected and Connected in Work, Love, and Life. She speaks about how difficult it can be to maintain healthy energetic boundaries in our closest relationships. She speaks about how empaths and energetically sensitive people have a tendency to do a bit of energetic labor for the people they love.  We take things on so that our friends, families, and partners feel better.

Of course I could not figure out why I couldn’t shake this issue. I made such a serious self-care commitment to boundaries and healthy client relationships. It’s taken a lot of work to get to a point where I feel like I am not taking on too much for other people. This revelation really woke me up to some of the places where I have been falling back into old patterns.

It’s hard in relationships because we want to be open and vulnerable and allow the other person to be as well. I think as energetically sensitive people and empaths we really need to be mindful of maintaining our boundaries.  Not to keep everything out but to keep us from taking on too much for our partners. That type of exchange can lead to unexplained resentment and body pain.

You can have healthy boundaries and still allow love in and out. You can still be supportive without taking on their frustration, grief, and anger for them.

I’m not telling you this to scare you. I’m telling you because you might have a blind spot of your own.  This is why energy work is so important. Having someone else to be a point of reference when you’re feeling confused or struggling to get perspective.

There are so many ways we exchange energy with the people we love.  Even when you have seemingly healthy boundaries, we can miss the ways we take things on and do some of the energetic labor for the people we are closest to.

I’ve been able to clear that energy out and establish a better exchange between myself and my boyfriend and I will continue to evaluate the way in which I might be taking stuff on for him.  It takes a lot of checking in and evaluating daily, when I go to bed at night and when I wake up in the morning, to make sure I didn’t do it in my sleep.

It might feel uncomfortable at first to hold yourself back from doing the energetic labor that you usually do for the people around you. You might feel like you’re being cruel or robotic. This is the work.  Instead of focusing on what you can take on, focus on just listening to them. It is a powerful thing, just to bear witness to another person’s experience. Being there, staying present, and seeing them as they are is just as powerful and it won’t leave you feeling drained or emotionally exhausted.

I hope you are all thriving this holiday season. I encourage all of you to use the free Empath’s Sorting Meditation after overwhelming events with family, friends or coworkers. I cannot stress enough the importance of clearing your energy this way after stressful interactions.

Also, If you are anxious about the year ahead, there are still some openings for 2020 Year Ahead Tarot Readings as well as New Year’s Release and Initiation Reiki and Tarot Combo packages to launch you into the new year with balanced energy and focused attention.