Energetic Boundaries for Family & the Holidays

On episode 22 of Living Tarot,  I talk all about energetic boundaries and managing your energy over the holiday season. It’s no secret that it can be a challenge to manage our expectations and the energetic exchanges that we experience with our families. In this episode I give some helpful tips for maintaining healthy boundaries and keeping yourself as grounded and peaceful as possible through this holiday season.

  • I discuss the ways in which family patterns of behavior can lead to energetic patterns of behavior.
  • I explain how to tell if you are taking on energy from the people around you.
  • I discuss some steps you can take to help you protect your energy throughout the holiday season.
  • I talk about my empaths sorting meditation that can help you sort out your feelings from your loved ones this holiday season.

Get a copy of my Empath’s Sorting Meditation here : https://exciting-composer-1319.ck.page/0884ee399e

To book a career tarot reading or distance Reiki session with Sheila click here https://app.acuityscheduling.com/schedule.php?owner=18090641

To read more about Sheila’s offerings click here https://www.starsagespirit.com/services/

Or on Instagram www.instagram.com/starsagespirit

Check out this episode!


Sheila M  0:05  

Welcome to Living Tarot. I’m your host Sheila Masterson. I’m a tarot reader and teacher, an energy healer and medium, and creator of Practical Tarot for Everyday Intuitives. Each week on this podcast, I’ll share my own experience of embracing and growing intuition, and interview guests about how they heard the call of intuition, embraced the adventure, and embodied the taro along the way. Join us and learn how you can stop second guessing. Empower yourself through intuition and live intentionally with the Tarot.

Hey there a tarot friend, I wanted to ask you for a quick favor. I’ve been working very hard behind the scenes to get Living Tarot out there in front of as many people as possible, but I can’t do it without your help. So for the month of November 2020, I am running a special contest. And the prize will be a career ahead tarot reading, which is a reading of the full view of the year ahead in your business or career. So if you would like to enter, head on over to Apple podcasts, and review Living Tarot, preferably with a five star review, and leave a comment about what you learned from the podcast, your favorite episode, or even questions that you might have, that you’d like me to answer on upcoming episodes, and then share a screenshot of that review over on Instagram and tag me @StarSageSpirit. And if you don’t have Instagram, you can always send a screenshot to my email. I’ll include more info about how to enter this contest over on Instagram, and in the show notes for today’s episode. 

Hello fellow seekers. Welcome back to Living Tarot. On today’s episode, I really want it to take some time to talk about energetic boundaries, interacting with our families and how to manage your energy over the holidays. This is really important. We’re a few days from Thanksgiving, I think when this episode is going to come out. So I’ve been talking about boundaries over the past couple weeks with some of my guests and in my solo episode. But I want to talk about this in particular as we head into the holiday season with thanksgiving in the United States, and then also Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years kind of a lot of people experiencing a lot of family time. And while it might be a little bit different this year because of COVID. The energetics of what’s going on with the holidays might not be so let’s kind of dive right in here. building off of our last episode, we talked a little bit about how we can kind of get into some of these energetic patterns and exchanges with the people who are closest to us in our lives. And this might be our family of origin, it might be a chosen family, it may be a not chosen family you’re in laws or something like that. But we do with the people that we are closest to in our lives tend to have some sort of energetic exchange. And especially if we’re talking about family of origin, there can be a lot of dynamics in play, that are complicated to navigate, very old, maybe uncomfortable, and also a bit habitual, which can be even more difficult to overcome. 

So first, I want to say to you, just because you’ve always had a certain energetic pattern with your family, doesn’t mean that you need to continue it. I I’m gonna repeat that because it’s very important. Just because you have always had a certain energetic pattern with your family doesn’t mean that you need to continue it. If it does not work for you, you can change it and you are responsible to do so. You might be saying to yourself, if they do this, then I will finally do this. If they would just stop doing this then I could do that. I know that feels true. But it’s not true. And sometimes even if even if we’re talking about our parents, sometimes we have to take back the control. Sometimes we have to be the adult in it. In the relationship, you can’t expect anyone else to do it for you. And if other people don’t respect the boundaries that you’re setting that is about them, and not about you. And that may come up, as we talk about some of the things that we’re going to talk about today in terms of setting these boundaries, they will likely have a reaction to you setting those energetic boundaries, it is unlikely that they won’t have some kind of reaction, especially if they’re old patterns that have existed over a long period of time, those can be very hard, not just for you to break, but for other people to break as well.

Hold fast to those things, though, and don’t try to make them feel better, or try to create a new energetic pattern, let them tend to their own reaction and don’t take responsibility for it. So we’ll talk a little bit more about about that now. So if you have an energetic exchange with your parents, for example, and I’m just going to use this as an example, I’m not saying it’s your situation or my situation, it’s just an example. But if you have a situation with your parents, where perhaps you expect that they will, you expect that they will act like parents, and they will just tell you what they need from you, and ask you for what they need. And that is your expectation. And perhaps that is how you meet them in the relationship. You are very direct, you say what you need, but perhaps the behavior that you’re receiving from them, is that passive aggressive, or, you know, with like, these snide little comments that are thrown in, but or maybe it’s sarcasm, you know, maybe you hear sarcasm over and over. And it’s just like too much for it to just be like a joke, it’s clearly a feeling that they don’t want to have to take responsibility for expressing in a non sarcastic way. And so maybe you’re going into situations, and they are making some passive aggressive comments about your lifestyle, or the choices that you make, or the way you spend money or the way you do your job or your relationship. You know, there’s there’s thousands of things that come up with parents. And maybe every single time you go into a situation with them, you are expecting them for some reason to, you know, act differently. But you’re not telling them that you would prefer that they act differently. You’re not holding them accountable when they act in a way that you feel uncomfortable with. Can you really expect anything to change if you don’t change? If every time you just kind of like, let it go, and you’re like, Okay, they’re being passive aggressive again, and it’s really making me mad, but, but I can’t do anything about it. And I’m not talking about having some like big blow up confrontation. But it might be something like saying, Hey, I understand that you feel that way. But I’d prefer if you didn’t make, you know, snide comments, or sarcastic comments about my relationship, or about my work, I know that you don’t understand, and that’s okay. But I feel like we’ve covered that ground already. And we don’t need to do that anymore. And perhaps you’ll get a reaction that’s like, Oh, I was just kidding. You know, I know. It’s like, Yes, I understand that you think that you are just kidding, but do you realize you’ve brought it up the past, you know, 10 times that we’ve spent time together. And I’m just, you know, I don’t need to hear it anymore. I know, that’s how you feel. And that’s great for you. It’s not how I feel. So sometimes something like that will happen.

 I will say that sometimes we go into the holidays, in particular, expecting a certain scenario to play out. So perhaps that has been your experience in the past. And so both of you go into that situation, expecting everything to be that way. So there’s no real opportunity to have a new experience because you are going in expecting your parents to make some sarcastic comments. And your parents are going in expecting to be able to make those comments. So if nobody upsets the ecosystem in which you’re exchanging energy that way, you will feel that same kind of tension going into the situation they will probably feel it too and you will go into what you are used to because when we are nervous or anxious, we go into patterns of behavior that we are used to because that feels comfortable. So notice what patterns you might be expecting, when you’re going into these type of social situations. Notice, you know, what they might be expecting. And also, if you do make a change to the way that you’re responding, or maybe you just all together, and and that’s an option, also, you don’t always have to confront everything, perhaps you just choose to say, you know, when they make some sort of, like, sarcastic comment, for example, you know, what I know, that’s just about them, and the way they feel, I’m just going to let it roll right off of me, like no big deal.

And notice, you know, if you make some sort of adjustment, notice what happens as well. Because, like we talked about, at the end of, at the end of our, my last solo episode, when we do have those energetic exchanges with people, and especially old exchanges that people are used to experiencing, it can sometimes be hard to break, and people will often have a strong reaction to it. So perhaps, you know, you’re you ignoring that behavior results in them escalating. So maybe they talk about it even more, maybe they make even more comments, and you’re just getting, you know, at first, it was easy to kind of let it roll off of you. And then you’re getting like really mad because they’re going too far. That’s okay. And I’m not saying that you have to be okay with it. But you know, maybe you say, Okay, you know what, I’m only going to stay for two hours, or I’m going to do something like that. Or, hey, you know, maybe you turn turn to your partner or your friend or whoever’s with you and say, you know, what, I think we’re going to need to leave earlier than I thought initially, you know, and, and if you have an ally, going into these situations, if you have a spouse, if you have a sibling, somebody who can help you, you know, let them know that you’re trying to do something like that, because sometimes it can be very helpful to feel like you have a team. And and you know, with siblings, you know, maybe your sister can come in and say, Hey, you know what, I noticed you guys make a lot of sarcastic comments about this, and it makes me uncomfortable. I imagined that it makes, you know, my sister feel uncomfortable also, but I just wanted to say it makes me feel uncomfortable, you know, and sometimes something like that can kind of put it to bed, just because you change your behavior doesn’t mean that they will automatically and often they will have some sort of reaction. Maybe they soak a little bit, you know, maybe they’re angry and silky. That doesn’t mean you have to comfort them, that’s their responsibility, they need to soothe themselves. And what you don’t want to do is create a new energetic exchange, that is also bad. So then maybe they learn that, oh, when I do this silky behavior, then I get this response from them. So it’s not, it’s not the same exchange that we were having before. But it’s still an exchange that provides you to be outside of your comfort zone and to be in like a caretaking type of position. 

Hey there, I wanted to remind you that this is a great time of year to get a career ahead tarot reading. This reading will give you a full view of the year ahead in your business or career. It’ll enlighten you as to the stories that you’re telling yourself about your work in business. It’s a full look at what feels true, what is true and how to work through doubt and imposter syndrome. We’ll talk about what obstacles you may be coming up against so that you can be prepared to meet them, and how to play to your strengths and where to focus your energy. Your session will be fully collaborative and offer you the opportunity to weigh your options and evaluate different career paths and offers. This reading is designed to empower you to make career choices that offer you the greatest opportunity for growth and expansion. And to consider things you might not have. clients who’ve had one of these sessions with me have been able to analyze job offers aligned new services and products with their value, and things like the timing to roll them out and felt empowered to negotiate five figure salary increases. This is the perfect time of year for this type of reading. And I don’t have a ton of availability around the holidays. So if you are interested, make sure you head on over to the show notes and look into booking a session today.

So that is just an example. I’m not saying that that’s happening to you. But you might start to notice some of those patterns of behavior. And the way that you start to kind of exchange energy or pick up energy from people often happens to where, you know, perhaps we have a particularly anxious parent and they end up kind of like dumping a lot of stuff on us or a lot of responsibility on us just because they are anxious to does not mean that you have to take that on, it’s really up to you to set the standard. And they may again, push back on that and still try to get you to do things in the way that you always have. That’s okay, that they will probably have a reaction to you changing things. And that’s okay. But ultimately, if you allow that behavior to continue, you’re doing both of you a disservice, because they’re not taking responsibility, and you’re not taking responsibility, and you’re staying kind of in this energetic rut. So if you are really struggling with that, again, I will encourage you to clear yourself going, you know, you can pull your aura of way in, like we talked about in in the last solo Episode Two weeks ago, pull your aura way in, so that you’re not holding that space for them. And so that you’re not picking up on on all of their emotional stuff. You can also, you know, clear yourself before and after visits with family. And I also have a meditation recording that you can get for free. That’s called the empaths sorting meditation. And it is entirely set up, I literally created it before the holidays last year, because it is a particularly hard time for people in terms of, you know, picking up energy from other people and dealing with a lot of stuff. And so this meditation will literally walk you through how to clear any excess anything that belongs to somebody else out of your energy field. So you can kind of come back to yourself, and it’s only 15 minutes long. I use it all the time. As much as I do not like I know I, I run a podcast, but I do not like listening to my own voice. But this meditation in particular is really excellent. If you do find yourself going into those situations. And it’s not just family, you know, it might be maybe not this year, but you know, any other kind of holiday party where you feel like something similar goes on, it can be with friends, too. To really kind of clear that out afterwards. And I, I promise you, you will start to feel less exhausted. If you do that, if you’re maintaining your energy, the same way you would, you know, the same way you would physically like we have to sleep to recharge, it is the same kind of thing as just good maintenance, good hygiene, we shower to keep our bodies clean. These are the kind of things that you need to think about doing with your energy field as well. Even if you’re not super conscious of it, or even if you’re like Sheila, you’re crazy, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Just try it. And notice if you start to feel better over time. One of my other recommendations, if you’ve listened to this podcast at all, you know, I am a huge proponent of therapy. I recommend pre scheduling therapy over the holidays, not just because your therapists might be taking vacation, but also because we have a tendency to, you know, be reactionary, when it comes to taking care of ourselves. Many people, many of my clients, many of the people who listen to this podcast, many healers have a tendency to always be like reactive in the support that they’re seeking. And then they’re kind of like in in crisis, they’re kind of in the middle of an energetic emergency or an emotional emergency before they really reach out for something. So pre scheduled therapy, pre scheduled Healing Sessions, yoga, whatever it is that you feel like you need to do to keep your energy moving and comfortable to stay in your body to connect with your spirit, really making sure that you’re prioritizing that. And one of the best, best ways to do it, is to go out there and make sure that you’re scheduling it ahead of time so that you don’t let it kind of get ahead of you. Um, and then finally, I want to talk about grief a little bit, which is going to be part of the theme for next month in December. But I want to talk about it in terms of boundaries. And there’s a few reasons, one of which is because it has been a very challenging year.

With COVID-19 there have been a lot of deaths, a lot of disturbance. There has been a great outrage in America in particular too around white supremacy, systemic racism, the leadership or lack of leadership from our president and his administration. there there’s a lot of deep grief that is existing, and in particular, if you have lost someone this year, whether it is To COVID or not, it’s important to let people know how to approach it. And this comes to our boundaries as well. So one of the things I’ve noticed, because I do a lot of grief work, and I do a lot of death work, is that people want to talk about their grief. But when we know someone is grieving, we have a tendency to think that they don’t want to talk about it. And we’re afraid to bring it up where we’re afraid to acknowledge it. It’s kind of like the elephant that’s in every room with us. And so if you are grieving, please let the people that you love and this doesn’t mean everybody in your life, but the people that you love, and the people that you trust, know how you would like to approach that. So if you would like to talk about it, say, Hey, I would still like to talk about this person, I know that it will probably make me emotional, it might make you emotional, we might all feel emotional. But it’s really important to me to have the opportunity to talk about that with you, because I trust you. And because it’s part of my grieving process to talk about this. And they will be grateful, they will be grateful to know the way in which he would like to talk about it. And I would say to go as far as to say, you know, you don’t, you don’t even have to say anything back, I realized you don’t know the right thing to say there’s no right thing to say, first of all, I can tell you that there is no right thing to say it doesn’t exist. You You might think that you should have some like perfect thing to say there’s wrong things to say absolutely. But there’s no perfect thing to say that will soothe grief. And often, it’s just the acknowledgement, just the ability to be able to talk about it without judgment that people are looking for. So if you are grieving, you can say, Hey, I just want to be able to talk about this, you don’t have to say anything back, you know, you can just kind of Listen to me to hold space for me to have this experience. Like, I would really appreciate that. Or you can say, Hey, you know, I would love to share funny stories about this person, this time of year is really hard. And you know, bringing that sense of humor, or that sense of levity, I think would be really helpful. So when you do that, you are again, kind of setting the energy of those exchanges, and you’re improving your experience of the situation and other people’s because often when someone is grieving people have a tendency to kind of walk on eggshells around them and be afraid to mention something, you know, like, it’s not, it’s not healthy. And the way that we approach grief in this country, in general is a problem. But I’ll give you an example. From my personal life, and there are many different types of grief, it’s not just death, sometimes people have relationships that have ended or a lot of people this year have lost careers or or job prospects. That is also a kind of grief, if somebody in the family is sick, that can be a kind of grief. And it’s okay to talk about that fear. It’s okay to talk about that challenge. And how hard that is. So I’ll give an example. From my life, I saw a friend recently, who I hadn’t seen in a while, and I know that her father has Alzheimer’s. And we were, we were out with other friends. And so I didn’t want to say anything, you know, in front of everybody. But I was off to the side with her afterwards. And I said, you know, how, how are you doing? Like, how are you really doing? And I said, You know, I know, everything’s been really hard with your dad. And I know how hard that can be. We had somebody in my family who had a similar experience, and it was very challenging. You know, how are you managing? And she said to me, she said, thank you so much for asking. She said, you know, I’m really comfortable talking about it, but most other people are not. And so I don’t really bring it up, and I don’t really get the opportunity to talk about it. But you know, she said it’s really it’s really hard. And it’s, it’s hard to watch, it’s hard to experience.

It’s it’s a lot of my family. And and it was just it was a very interesting conversation because she said she feels like everybody is so delicate about it, and so like afraid to bring it up, but it’s her experience every day. So she said just because they’re not talking about it doesn’t mean that I’m not living it every day. And that she very much felt like it made other people uncomfortable. And so she didn’t really want to bring it up, but she was happy to talk about it. And so I want you to really think about that. Again. Again, it’s not about forcing people not to talk about stuff that is private or Personal, but I always try to approach it as saying, you know, I just want you to know that, that, you know, I’m here for the good parts of this and, and the bad parts of it, like whatever it is that you want to talk about, if you’re pissed, if you’re, you know, if you’re really mad, if you’re really, really sad, whatever it is that you just want to kind of put out there, please feel free to put it out there, you know, um, and so I try to give people that opportunity, because I do think it’s one of my gifts is I can kind of hear that stuff. And it doesn’t bother me, because I have a different perspective on on grief in general. So I do want you to think about that. Also, whether you are the person grieving, or you are the person who has somebody in your life who is grieving. And then finally, I just want to say, you know, this time of year can be really hard. And to honor yourself, honor your boundaries, whatever that looks like. So I also want to give you the permission that if you have a family situation, or a in law situation, or a friend situation that is not supportive of you, your well being your mental health, give yourself the permission to not participate in that. And to really set a boundary around what you will and What you won’t do. And I realized that sometimes that is challenging. And I’m not saying this just gives you the ability to opt out of anything you don’t want to do. That’s not what I’m saying. But if there is something that is damaging to you, that is you know, if there is an abusive relationship or a relationship where for a long time, the dynamics have been out of balance, and you’ve tried to correct them. And the person just is not. It’s not appreciating boundaries is not participating in their own well being or their own healing. I want to permission you to not participate in that and to not be involved in that situation. It can be hard, that is also a hard thing. But do what you need to do this year, especially to take care of yourself, because nobody else is going to do a better job of taking care of you than you. That is just the truth, the deepest truth. You know what you need in every situation, and you need to trust, that implicit wisdom that exists within your body, within your mind within your spirit. And to not doubt it because somebody else has made you doubt it. But to truly trust yourself and to trust that you know what’s best. And you will feel it you know, you’ll feel it in your body. You’ll feel it in how you feel after exchanges with that person. Or when you enter into that type of dynamic. You will feel it in your energy. Are you leaving these situations feeling exhausted? Are you leaving feeling energized? That’s great, you know, more of that less of the feeling drained. And we can’t always avoid all of it. But I am going to ask you to challenge yourself. If you are feeling an obligation somewhere. Is that a true obligation? Or is that just the way that it’s always been done, and so you can envision anything else. So I hope that that is helpful for you. As we head into the end of the year and the holiday season. I will have the link in the show notes to that empaths sorting meditation again, a great exercise if you are experiencing kind of picking up on other people’s energy, and just really needing a quick check in with yourself to clear your energy to clear anything that you might have picked up from other people. And I hope that this helps all of you. If you’re in the United States, I wish you a very happy Thanksgiving. And I will be back here next week with a brand new episode.

Thank you so much for listening to Living Tarot. If you love today’s episode, please leave us a review and subscribe so that you never miss an episode. This helps us reach even more budding intuitives. Feel free to share on Instagram and tag me at @StarSageSpirit and let me know what you learned, what surprised you, and what you’d like to hear even more of. As always, if you want to hear more about my courses, or book a reading with me or for full episode show notes you can head over to starsagespirit.com